I’m slowly succumbing to depression again. I have a history of clinical depression in the past that was healed through proper guidance and medication but I honestly think that I mostly helped my self, company of good new found friends helped me too and I became well. Last last year I’ve been overly depressed again but that time I healed my self without taking any prescription drug whatsoever though I admit I did something horrideous and I don’t wanna even remember it and I’ll keep and carry that secret to my grave. These past week has been almost unbearable to me. I keep on thinking negative thoughts that it started to drain what was left of my strength whenever I’m in my waking hours. I’m too young to feel this tired. I think I’m starting to hate going to work again and I seriously wanna resign for no apparent reason… Wait, I think there is. I’m tired and I wanna rest and I wanna feel the feeling of being a bum citizen again. Money can only do so much with my depression. I always tell Saowie this. “I’m lucky I believe in God and I fear him that I become afraid of the afterlife. I really want to commit suicide but I’m afraid of what I’ll face after that. I just want this to end.” Yes, suicidal tendencies. But don’t worry guys, I most likely won’t do it because of the said reason above, and please don’t make fun or mock me, it won’t change my views. Maybe I’m just really sad right now, but I’m aware how wonderful life is. And how lucky I am. I just don’t understand my self sometimes. I know this feeling will eventually pass and I’ll read this entry again and laugh at how silly and stupid I can be at times.

• I woke up and took a bath just to get back to bed and sleep again.

• I planed on going to work…

• But fuck it. I’m not in my brightest mood and I felt like “I don’t wanna work for anybody goddamnit. I don’t wanna make you guys rich anymore! I’m so done! So over you!!!”

• Then I guess it’s just the hormones.

• Because… fucking cramps.

• Stupid cramps.

• And I text our manager thinking… “oh to hell with your big stomach mister, I don’t care if you’ll gonna believe me, I’m sick and I’m not going to work”

• But what I actually said is “I’m having cramps again, I can’t go to work.”

• and he replied with “K”. dafuq.

• Woke up again at around 10. Had brunch.

• Watched Sophia Coppola’s The Virgin Suicide.

• God the movie is so good. Classic.

• I was thinking “Do I look like Kirsten Dunst? Really?” Because yesterday one of my old classmate from the Uni linked a picture to me of kirsten and said “You look like her so much, kamukang kamuka!”

• But… I think she’s pretty, so logically speaking… I think I’m pretty too? Right?

• Well… fair enough. LOL

• But hell, she looks a lot like my sister than me. I swear to God.

• My girlfriend thinks so too.

• Her eyes, smile, cheekbones… basically my sister.

• Oh I hate Mrs. Lisbon. Stupid cunt.

• Trip is hot. VERY HOT.

• I like his body.

• His face.

• And the way he walks.

• Movie finished. I checked my twitter and got a few mentions.

• I couldn’t help a friend who wanted my help… so I said sorry. I felt really guilty.

• But then another friend text me. It felt like she’s imposing a guilt trip on me.

• I was like “Oh come on? Didn’t you understand why I can’t be of help to her? Because I can’t even help myself! You know the reason why I didn’t go out today”

• I was about to go ape shit on her.

• I got mad and cursed. That was stupid. fuck fuck fuck. 

• The thing is I said the most hurtful things when I’m mad so you better not push it. Because then you’ll be hurt and I’ll feel sorry and guilty and I hate feeling guilty.

• I talked to my other friend and it made me calmed down.

• And I understand.

• And Saowie cooked bacon for me just to make me feel happy.

• We ate while watching “She’s the Man”.

• Hilarious movie. Never gets old.

• And now I’m happy.

• In bullets because I can.

Look at what I did to my tumblog! I now have a banner. :)

And yes, that’s a quote from the book “Perks of Being a Wallflower” Pay me guys a visit and drop me some messages. :) It won’t hurt to talk to me y’know.

But oh well, i kind of still understand when they don’t want it. It’s not important anyway. So yeah. SO STILL THANK YOU GUYS FOR REBLOGGING MY POSTS! You’re all so awesome! I’m gonna start posting some beautiful edits/gif of Ezra made by yours truly. Maybe tomorrow. :)

Midgets and the Boys. That’s what we call our circle. We rarely see each other since we all graduate from the Uni but time spent together would not gauge the value of friendship we have.

On the photo: Clarence, Jih, Nica, Vince, Bea, Pabz, Jean, Neke, Louie, Me, Saowie

Midgets are us girls. We have reasons ok? Because most of the girls in our circle are really short, let’s see, Saowie and Jih are the only girls who don’t fall under “short girls” category … and the rest of us… well…

We had fun last week, Tuesday. Clarence organized a surprise farewell party/gimik for Jih because she’ll be leaving for Singapore on the 17th. Honestly, these two, I really don’t understand their status. I don’t know if they’re still together or not. They used to when we were in college, then they broke up, and got back, then they broke up again, then they’re M.U., then… I dunno man. Just, ugh, wth guys.

Anyway, we planed on watching The Avengers together. The reason me and Saowie didn’t join our family on the movie night last Thursday. But sadly, every cinema we have hopped upon were full house. And we eventually lost interest so we headed to dinner instead at Gerry’s Grill. We ordered all the food that interest us on the menu. Big time food trip that was.

Oh how I just loved talking to them, I missed them. We used to eat together in college every lunch, every break, every time we’re not in the mood to attend classes. ‘Coz seriously, eating is the only thing we do back then, beside being an art student of course. LOL (well, except for the boys who like to do their chain of cigar every now and then, and… some of the girls as well, ok ok!)

After dinner we headed straight to Center Stage, a Japanese KTV bar of sort. We know we’re only supposed to sing and enjoy the karaoke but we didn’t do just that. We turned the room into a dance floor! We danced to the tune of party music. That moment was damn good. We had a few drinks and laughed at our own jokes. These guys were fucking crazy. They did a shit load of awkward move and very… VERY bad dance steps. Something only nerds and homeless-people-with-crack-head would do. Ugh, it was damn horrible. But that’s what made it super fun. I can’t count the times I had cramps on my stomach because of too much laughter. I just… ugh I love you guys so much. 

We just wish we’re complete. Hardman (it’s his surname, but we’re used to calling him by that funneh surname) was not with us, he’s already in Canada but we still keep in touch. Jenny was not with us too, we don’t know where she is, like totally, we have no idea! I don’t know if she have already decided to live in fucking Narnia or something. Micah, we’re all guessing her parents still hold her captive up into this very moment. Poor soul. :(

These guys made my life in the Uni tolerable… no… fun, memorable and priceless. We never see each other that often now. Because you know, all of us our busy being either a fucking hipster or a hobo artist, or whatever artist. I’m just glad all of us our artist in profession right now just like what we all want to be. And I can’t wait to resign and go freelance for a while and became a hobo artist just like your grandpa. WTF am I writing, I am being weird again. 

I dreamed of the moon the other night, and I end up with the conclusion that it’s because I didn’t get to take a picture of the “Supermoon”. I thought I wasn’t bitter. But I guess I am.

But it’s ok, I have the full moon here as my background.

Taken last month.

i look so creepy. i like it.

Okay I said I’ll post about the part 2 or our island get away but I tried and I can’t and I just feel like sdghjkl; I dunno what I feel. LOL WHY AM I SO FUCKING NEUROTIC RIGHT NOW. Like I was affected easily by everything. To be exact I get easily annoyed. Oh me and my feelings and I’m blaming this on my female hormones!

:((

So I’m posting this picture of me and my friends during that trip, this is one of the pictures that never went out in public in our FB profiles because it was deemed too cool for mere mortals to see. We have crap loads of pictures in the private album entitled R18. Us girls in bikinis and because we’re conservative as your hobo grandma it never went public. LOL

Anyway, speaking of this girls… we’re up to something, cooking up something sweet to save our lives literally (it can save our future! really), I don’t think I’m allowed to spill it yet so I’m keeping it to myself. :)

And also, I spent my whole day reading the blog of a certain someone here in tumblr. I just found her entries hilarious, interesting, painful albeit beautiful. And yes if I find your blog to be really interesting, I’d spend my whole day creeping there and reading everything you post. Is that a good… or a bad thing?

This, my friend, is a late post as this happened almost a month ago. YAY for procrastination. And because our photos from the getaway are just amazing, I should, I must, make a post about this.

Summer heat is one of the nicest or worst thing you can experience here in the country. People always wish for something they don’t have, like me, I wish to be in cold places at times like this, I have many friends in other part of the world, specifically in Canada, most of them do wanna exchange anything just for the heat here in the PH. But believe me there are days that the heat is just so extremely intolerable. 

Any why am I even complaining, lol. Summer’s almost over and I just can’t believe I’m posting this just now. 

So yeah, me and my friends went to Pangasinan last April 13-15, 2012 just to relax… and of course, because long road trip with blasting stereos is fun. :)

On the night of the 13th, Friday, me and Saowie met with my friend Jean at Megamall to buy our bikinis. LOL impromptu buy, I know. :)) I skipped work that day and just stayed at home only because I got lazy packing my things the night before. :)) At around 12 midnight we arrived at Nica’s house as we will be using his uncle’s car for the road trip. We didn’t slept at all! At around 2am, I took a bath and by the time the clock stroked 3am we’re already inside the car.

This is our very first picture that day. It’s blurry, the focus didn’t adjust right because of the darkness but we don’t wanna delete this because we’re sentimental like that. :)) 

We went some place to picked our other friend, Neke. 

at around 10:30 we’re already in Pangasinan, more or less that’s an 8 hour ride from Manila. We stopped at Ela’s Salt farm. 

Nica’s grandparents owned the entire place. 

Anyway we had lunch there. We feast on sea food! I wanna cry from the glorious taste of fatty crabs and shrimp!!!! ALL THOSE FOOD! ALL THE FEELINGS I FELT. Food makes me happy. Oh the joy and the tears.

I don’t have any decent picture of the food we ate because I’m too hungry to care about pictures that time lol. So… deal with this. =))

Nica took a photo of us girls while eating in from of the kubo (nippa hut). Happy kids with dely food.

We stayed there a bit, for about an hour? We got so bored at some point and we took some unbelievably goofy photos that I am not allowed to post here in the world wide web as to not ruin our reputation LOL.

But here is one. 

Seriously, what’s the point of my pose? And Neke? WTH? Why are you holding that? What’s the point? There is no point. That’s the point. (whoaaaa WeNeedtoTalAboutKevin reference huh)

To compensate, here’s a decent photo of us.

The weather is generally nice, but still hot. We sort of do a lot of things just to deal with it while waiting for the old folks to finish their chit chat.

We kept a small cooler at the back of the van for the water and soft drinks, believe me, you can’t survive that heat if you’ll not keep those during long trips.

LOL model ng pepsi. I’m allowed to post this!!!!!!! (being defensive for being guilty of being vain.)

Me and the girls did all sort of things to past time and to forget how hot it is. We stayed on the van but were not allowed to open the A/C T__T we really have to deal with the heat huh. We talked about a lot of things, about things that might or might be important, I’m guessing the latter. Because that’s what you do with your close friends right? Talk about things that are mostly nonsensical, but it made you happy for whatever reason. You can even talk about poop and the relation of it to the universe and you won’t even get judged by each other for talking about it. :)

Then at some point Saowie mentioned how Me, Nica, Jean and Neke looks like some sort of a girl rock band on tour. LOL

No objection. Definitely none. AWWWYEAH.

Then after the oldies were finished with their boring chit chat (boring because they talk about what old people talks about!) we headed to the ever famous Hundred Islands. :) We should have gone swimming but were too tired and the place is not that private. We picked the “Governor’s Island” to land on after an hour of boat ride. The place is beautiful if not only with some other tourists who kept on whistling at us, begging for attention. Oh boys. They could have approach us nicely right?

Boat ride. :D

Photo roll call.

We sort of went hiking that day as we made our way on the very top of the island. I kept on saying “This is not an island made by dirt or earth; that sort of stuff, this is a big coral, I’m telling you guys. Just looks at this rock wall. This is a coral.” And how they all went “shut up we don’t care, just move your butt kid.”

and tuh-duh! This is what’s on top. (pretend you don’t see me emoting)

I just made a post here on what I did on top. Basically I shout my undying lust love for Ezra Miller. :))

Photo roll call again.

and lastly, sentai post of the F-rangers. :)) 

I’ll continue this get-away post some other time as this is getting too long. I highly doubt anyone reads everything I typed here. Not that I’m complaining because I’m such a bad blogger. :) Save for the shame!

One of the many pictures of me and my cat. Probably this is one of my fave. He’s already an old cat. Six years old. He know his name, he’ll come if you call him by his name, much like a dog. He loves eating chocolates, I don’t know why, I just think it’s weird.

My sister loves to poke his balls. LOLOL and he hates it. That’s the most irritating thing you’ll do to him. He always ends up hissing at my sis every time she do that.

And also, me and my sisters all agreed to the fact that he is a gay cat. He doesn’t like to flirt with female cats, (unlike most of the males like him) he hates them. But he likes hanging out with the male cats, but they hate him. I tried to lock him up inside our house every night but he always find the way to go out and every morning I’ll see him with a scratch on his ears done by the male cat of our neighboor. I don’t know why he keeps on seeing that stupid cat though.

And oh, his name is Teddy.

Hot Saturday.

Today, I woke up at around 11 am. Went downstairs; talked to my mom and sis for awhile; took a cold bath and went to a wedding reception near our place. I ate a lot, and all I can thought of was how hot and hungry I am that I actually forgot to take a photo of anything related to that wedding.

At around 3 pm, we went back home. I changed into a comfy shorts and sando. I wanted to go back to sleep. And because air-conditioners are electricity-sucking monsters I decided to sleep in our living room where the temperature is loads cooler than the rest of the house. I sat in front of the electric fan for awhile and let my sleepiness took over. I slept with my cat Teddy. Oh, I slept with my girlfriend too. Teddy was between us. We’re like a happy family. I got up at around 5pm and went out to look for my dad. I’m craving for green mangoes and bagoong so I asked him to get some for me. He told me to go ask our neighbor for permission to climb their mango tree. And so that’s what I did. I think that’s one of the spontaneous moment wherein I just go out of the house wearing my bed hair and not caring if I’m only wearing a see-through sando or not. Lol the confidence. I’m just happy to talked to my childhood friends again. And I don’t care if I look like my old self again. You know, I look like the kid they used to play with. The kid who don’t comb her hair, the kid who always wear her white sando. One of my childhood friend was holding his baby. His name is Kian. He is such a happy child. I played with him a bit while my dad and uncle were busy getting my mangoes from the tree.

I don’t know… But simple days like this makes me happy.

Anyway. We just had our family dinner and I feel so bloated.

And I’m tweeting and tumblring using my phone. Oh lifeeeee.

Me and my girlfriend is in the process of breaking up. Sad but true. We need too.
(san kayo nakakita ng relasyon na may process ang break up? SAAN?! kami lang ata gumagawa nun! para di masyado masakit pag naghiwalay. hayayayayyy.)

Lol this pic. I was screaming here. Confessing my love for Ezra Miller. “I LOVE YOU EZRA!!! I WANNA MAKE LOVE TO YOU IN THIS PLACE!!! Woooooooo!!!!” My friend also caught that moment on vid. :)) That place is amazing. We’re on top of Governor’s Island if I remember the name correctly (one of the islands in “Hundred Islands”.) The view is breath taking. I swear!

Also… I just watched the movie “City Island” last night. That movie is hilarious! And beautifully done. Plus… Ezra’s so adorbs in that movie. asdfghjkl <3 <3 <3

I can’t believe how busy I am. And I feel like giving my self an award for managing my time so well, I mean, on weekdays I’m busy working, feeling like a total career young woman. I’ve never miss a day in the office despite being busy and dead tired on weekends, to the point the I question my ability to get up on Monday mornings. I’m always away during weekends. Out of town, road trip with friends… I’m never home… which is so unusual for me, since weekdays are my rest day. But not this summer season. I’m filled with activities to do. I’m feeling much alive! 

anyway… here are some photos, just because. I might write a separate blog entries for each event… I MIGHT. Depends on my mood and my time, since I’ve sacrificed most of my internet life for my “real-life” activities. :))

Eastwood night with friends. 03.31.12

Family dinner. 04.08.12 (that’s me and my over exposed face, and my sis at the back. I dunno why I’m grinning like that)

Out of town trip with friends. Road trip to Hundred Islands and White Beach Resort @ Bolinao Pangasinan. 04.13-14.12

Company outing @ El Madero Resort, Batangas. 04.20.12

Saturday Night Out @ Balsa sa Niugan. 04.21.12

Ate Dinner with friends @ Jean’s new House. 04.22.12

LOL timeline. keeping track. :)

I really need to get my things now and leave the house immediately or I will run late again on meeting my girl friends. Tonight we will celebrate the beautiful lives we have. Okay, that’s just an excuse to go out drinking again. Hey, I’m socializing again, just like when I was in college. This is great. The photo above was taken last March 31. Saturday night. It’s been a year since I’ve shown my self to my college girl friends, we’re supposed to meet the whole gang but The boyfriends weren’t able to come. Losers. LOL So yeah, we’re all girls that night, and so we drank to our heart’s content and listen to each other’s sober talks. Two of my friends have met their “happily ever after” guy. The other two were heart broken, I end up cursing the guy that broke my baby Nica’s heart (Nica was the one who took this pic). He used to be our friend! He was in the circle! The douche! It’s a long story and I don’t feel like spilling everything here, no one cares anyway. As for me, as usual, I have nothing to share. LOL. OH ME AND MY LIFE. And to my friends who know my story, well I got news… we both love God. That’s all thank you. You get the idea. 

Now I will sulk in the corner and dream about the person I cannot even reach. </3 

Oh yes! I’m supposed to go out now. LOL I’m still typing here. Ok see yah on… probably Monday. As me and my girls will be together until Sunday. We’ll go to the beach tomorrow 4am! YAY. I’ll still drop by though through iphone, and post pictures for update. 

adios amigos.